My Heart

for my little pink Clover

She is seven
Little freckled nose, eyes that laugh
Behind the seriousness with which she surveys the world
Jack-o-latern grin,
Loud laugh and flinging arms and elbows
Into twirls and leaps
And one little heart pierced ear

She has patiently waited.
She's grown three times as old
With each addition to the family
She moved over, out of my arms
She moved over, out of my bed
Away from my feet
Out of my gaze
To make room

Tonight I gathered her into my arms
Dusted off my lap
Folded herself up to fit
She lay her head on me

I tucked a piece of wild, sweet curls
Behind an ear I hadn't seen in a while
This one is unpierced
Filled in smooth after the earring fell out

Heart pierced breathing
There she is
My first baby
I trace her ear, I look in her grey-blue eyes
Baby mine

I choked out, I miss you
She cried too
How have I forgotten to hold her?
Though I rage at time for carrying her away
She carries my pride, my joy,
My heart

A Random Recipe: Peach Crumble Crisp

as i was munching on trader joe's granola yesterday i thought to myself: this would make for a speedy topping to a fruit crisp! and then i spied some peaches atop my refrigerator and decided to try it out!

today we were met with success- the kids and i loved it! (though Clover said it would taste even better with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, to which i concur).

so as we say goodbye to summer and begin looking for signs of fall, here is a transitory dish with some of the best ingredients of each season: peaches and cinnamon and crumbly toppings!

here is how to make my original random recipe:

Peach Crumble Crisp
serves 8-10 (or in family language: feeds 3 kids 7 yrs and under, a mama who went back for seconds with enough left over for a few sneaky mouthfuls while cooking dinner, a serving for grandma who stopped by and a decent helping for their dad when he gets home)

Ingredients:
5 ripened peaches
1 tbsp arrowroot powder (if you have never heard of this, substitute with cornstarch)
1 tbsp coconut flour (if you haven't heard of this either, substitute with wheat flour)
2 generous tbsp cinnamon
pinch of salt
1/2 cup brown sugar (sucanat or coconut crystals would work well too but may need a little extra as it isn't as sweet)
TJ's Vanilla Almond Granola Cereal (any granola you have on hand should work but this is the one that inspired me and it pairs deliciously)
half a stick of butter

Instructions:
1. preheat oven to 375 degrees
2. grease a smallish baking dish (as you can see by the picture i used a small square baking dish)
3. pit and slice peaches, then cut slices in half
4. in a bowl, toss peaches with arrowroot powder, coconut flour, cinnamon, salt and sugar
5. pour mixture into baking dish
6. generously sprinkle granola over the top of the peaches until they are completely covered
7. slice pads of butter and evenly distribute over the top
8. bake for 30 minutes at 375 degrees; finished when peach mixture is bubbling and granola is lightly browned
9. remove and let sit about ten minutes before serving
10. best enjoyed warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream!

weather watchers

for my mama, thank you for teaching me to see our home through your eyes

my family, on my mother's side, we are weather watchers. we storm chase with the best of them. straining daily to see spun cotton in the timeless desert blue. we are loyal to the chance of rain the way my father remains loyal to the team. talking statistics and that one great snowfall years ago.

i am teaching the art to my daughters. we don't use words like nimbus or cumulus, but we've come to know them. we can anticipate their moods. this farmers' intuition, traveling across time and land from beyond our southmost borders, to the adobe walls that framed my mother's days. weather wisdom passed down through my grandfather. see him there tending to the cherry trees.

come and listen.

there's the wispy and wizened tendrils of hair-clouds that stretch across fall to early spring. in this hemisphere, the sky looks colder than she actually feels.

in the mornings, we check west. if ocean-wave-clouds possessively hover over that mountain range, we know. it's the calm before the wind storm. the unrelenting wind that has italicized our trees.

sometimes a flock of clouds migrate across our large expanse of sky; the shape shifters. the ones whom reflect what the imagination projects. the ones the children love.

we hit and miss with thunder-clouds. for them, we look east. the gang gathers together, imposing, dark and roaring. yet despite their day-long agitation, patience strained by blistering sun, they can be dissuaded. western winds breathe deep, then blow. dismayed, their temper cools. below the eastern deck sulkily they return.

but sometimes, the humid stress compounds. the gang refuses to disarm. it's Westside Story played out in the skies! these are the best of times, and the girls and i and my mother and sisters are ringside, anticipating the fight. the sharks and the jets begin their dance, round and round the ring on tippy toes, sinews flexed and ready. when suddenly the tense calm erupts. the clash! the rumble! bernstein would be proud!

i have come to realize our scrappy brawls pale in comparison to the heavy weight fights of the further east, but for us, it is five-star entertainment all the same.

...this drought. it beckons the imposters. lock-jawed and tightfisted, they tease across the sky.  their saunter invites onlookers but don't be taken in. precipitate they will not. no sense wasting hope or time.

a desert's thirst is rarely quenched, but to withhold even a drop this long has cracked our lips and dried our imaginations. we cry out over days and weeks and months and years. and God will send them, though we know not when. and they will come. in phalanx formation they will block the circle of the sun.  they will fill in the valley gap. and they will rain. and they will snow. grace-filled clouds...our relief. and our landscape will be transformed! her capabilities and ours regenerated from sight to sound to smell to taste!

it is with any of these characters, A-list or not, will give a stellar performance come sundown. there is no equating what pictures in our skies when the colors begin to mingle on the clouds and on the earth. our sunset filter. unparalleled beauty.

we live about as far west as you can go on this great northern continent, our sky lives above a patch of sandy ocean-less soil. our concrete river and man made pond often lack the reserve to fill our sky and yet-

the clouds, they've been as faithful to my family as we have to them. our unobtrusive mediator, our common denominator. maybe they will become the same to you.

for one but has to ask, what's the weather? to unite our gaze upward and beyond.

this long awaited rain, 1 & 2

1.
the young one asks
God make it rain?
the cloudburst
in response
the simple thanks
of answered want
faith and joy
intertwine

2.
the pitter patter
of little feet
in the pitter patter
of the rain

one and the other
that can't be made
without the Creator
God

Christ In Me

in my huddle (a group of people committed to learning to live as Jesus lived) thinking about invitation and challenge, areas you are balanced or need to balance out. the question was posed, how is your family perceived.

one lady mentioned that she noticed she wasn't a homeschooling mom and therefore felt a sense of challenge, maybe internally

is that the kind of challenge i'm putting forth?

oh you don't eat healthy? oh you don't homeschool? oh you don't go to Kairos? challenge challenge challenge

let him who boasts boast about this, that he knows and understands Me

Christ in me Christ in me Christ in me the hope of glory You are everything

challenge does not mean, look at me and see where you fall short. invitation does not mean, come to me because i have all your answers and can help you or fix you or i'm perfect and learn from me.

let me be challenging because of Christ in me

that what you are challenged on in your own life has nothing to do with my perceived good works or good choices or healthy habits, but Jesus in me calling out to You. your life being challenged by the existence of a very real God who i have a personal relationship with that is calling out to have a relationship with You. to come into right standing with Him

to measure your life by Him

if you get too close to me i will let you down
just know that

i am sorry if i have ever put needless guilt on you or anyone else

why do i homeschool? because i think that is the only Bible ordained way to raise my children? no, i homeschool because we live a very full life and i value down time with my children and noah. we take mondays off. couldn't do that if the girls were in school. i love to teach the girls. it works for our schedule this year.

why do we eat healthy? ember. we do feel better.

why did we plant Kairos and why are we doing things this way? huddles mcs etc? because we are trying our best and feel God's called us to it. it's not the only right way. it's not the only right church.

there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Nothing

So you're deconstructing?
Good for you!
What're you left with?

The Advent Season Is Upon Us....

(a note I wrote to Kairos)

In reflecting tonight on our Worship Gathering, I had an assortment of seemingly jumbled, unconnected thoughts...the importance of meditating on and adhering to God's law...how good it is to participate in regular intervals of congregational (church family) worship....my kids' excitement at the homes with Christmas lights already up...Somehow I landed at how important it is for us, for Christ-followers, to take pause of the Christmas season before we find ourselves dazed on the doorstep of December 25th wondering where the time went!

What more can we expect from ourselves when the season is already wrought with extra familial engagements and gifts to be purchased and given? Oh of course we can add waxy advent chocolate calendars, coat drives, carols, Christmas plays, gifts for orphans, secret Santas, sugar cookies and decorations galore. All good things. But these elements in and of themselves are incomplete. They should be a byproduct, not a substitution for, the meaningful pause of the Advent season as we joyously look forward to the celebration of Christ's birth!

But, you may wonder, why should we pause? Why add another cookie to Santa's plate? 

We pause because we are a fickle people. We pause because we forget. We no longer engage in annual, week long festivals throughout the year as the ancient Israelites did, to celebrate and commemorate what the Lord has done and to anticipate what He will do. We no longer have to engage in the physical act of sacrifices and offerings as the priests did who went before us, visceral reminders of the sin separating us from God and the atonement made because of the poured out life of the slaughtered lamb. We do not pause, we do not see, we do not touch, we do not speak. We are a roaming, often unrooted and harried culture. We think that the here and now is all there is, that the family traditions and gift giving will make or break the season. 

...Yet we are called to partake in something more. 

We are a people set apart, holy, and to be firmly rooted in what Christ has done for us and the joyous occasion His entrance into that manger scene set into motion. We are commanded to open our mouths and tell of the great things He has done for us, loud and strong echoes of the words of our ancient brothers and sisters. We are still called to celebrate and commemorate, when we assemble together in Worship Gatherings, at Missional Communities and in the privacy of our homes, parents- first and foremost with our children! 

So, how? What does it look like to take a meaningful pause? 

We can begin with asking questions like: What did Christ's birth mean for the Israelites when the first angels appeared heralding the new born baby from the sky? What did it mean for all of humanity? For me individually? What does Jesus' birth mean for the way we live now and the glorious hope of the Kingdom to come? Too often we can leave the grand telling of the story of God's engagement with our world and His engagement with us up to Sunday school teachers or the Charlie Brown Christmas special. 

Pause. Take time to think. It might be uncomfortable, it might take work. But if you are looking to find space between minutes, to stretch this season so that you are fully in it and it's not just slipping through your fingers, take the time to wrestle this Christmas meaning out. Pause and invite your loved ones into unharried conversation, into searching the Scriptures or seeking God together with prayer and singing. Time slows when we are fully present with one another; time stands still when we are in the presence of God. 

Our children need to hear the Christmas story from us. Our children need to know that it is their story, that it's a story still relevant today, just as life giving and hope inspiring now as it was when it occurred those thousands of years ago. And it is often in the telling that we are reminded that it is still our story too.
....
For me, intentionally studying and participating in the Advent season each December becomes more meaningful with each passing year. I am looking forward to beginning again with my daughters tomorrow and with all of you as we worship together in the weeks leading up to Christmas. 

Here are two resources that I'm using now with my kids (the link below as well as Truth in the Tinsel). They might be a good fit for your family too if you have little ones, but if not I encourage you to seek something out that will help keep your mind and heart fixed on our Savior!

Happy December 1st!

http://tooverflowing.com/then-came-jesus-advent-study-is-now-available/

"then came Jesus" release from Lara Williams on Vimeo.