My Mother's Habits {Facebook Deactivation - Day 30}

There are effortless routines and patterns
From my mother
Embedded deep into my memory
Flashes which produce a mixture
Of longing, warmth, ...and guilt
That I remember well
And struggle desperately to imitate

How strange to acknowledge the damage
Of a distraction I entertained
Who along with my natural weakness, stole my ability
To emulate that which was sown deep
And once yielded much contentment

Did we ever think we'd battle distraction
To this magnitude?
There was once caution against the amount
Of advertisements children saw in commercials
Billboards and radio announcements

But those voices pale in comparison
To what we and our children are encouraged to digest and balance now

I'm grappling all the time
With time
This fleeting yet stretching and pliable thing
Given to me to use at my will
In the face of new technologies,
Sometimes the responsibility feels impossible!
A healthy balance always just beyond my reach

For now, I've had to disconnect
But with more disconnection
Comes re-connection to my roots
I'm clawing my way back to mom's habits
That I lived and enjoyed so long ago

To engage with life
Without interruption
The recreation, the resting
The working and creating
The in-between times

The clear space in my head
Long cluttered with matters and events
I could do nothing about

Replaced with space and stillness
Without compulsory interruption

A space to breathe, to be at peace
Sitting with my God, my husband, my children, my friends
My self
Something my mama
Did so well

If We Never Call On Grace

If we never call on grace

To pool in opened wounds

To run down open hands

To fill up wearied eyes

And patch up broken hearts

Grace for self

Grace for others

Grace for the way we see ourselves

And the way you see us

And the way we see you

If we never call on grace

We are a bleeding mess

You say disgusting

Yes, sometimes I am

I have never claimed to be more or less

Then a bloody mess

Did spewing shame satisfy? 

More words 

Will not stop the blood from draining from my face

Won't help the blood rushing to yours

Sometimes I don't know where to go from here

The impossible way forward

Grace for you

From me

From Him

To stop up your mouth and plug my ears 

While my eyes still see

And my hands still stretch

In grace 

And there's enough for us both

And I am trying

...'Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things'

Grace by U2

http://youtu.be/n4QvtXqNq0Y