Be Still

In the dark I sat unmoving
Blinded more from pain than lack of light
I cry out to You God
For reassurance, for guidance
As the realization of what place I'm in
Begins to dawn
I am lost, my navigation pointless
Hope in me, You say
I pause...I know I am desperate
I know there's no other way through or around
I say, ok.
Dread makes a lunge, I try to move out of the way
Stumbling to the window I pull back the curtain
Searching desperately and longing for the tiniest bit of You
Trees bend and sway with impending storm
Clouds dampen what might have been early morning light
What might have been hope in my heart
But I trust You God
Or rather, I'm trying despite-
Slumped, back in my chair
Praying in broken fragments for peace
The air disturbed by cries of a child wanting mama
I'm so weary Lord
I don't have it in me to comfort my girl
Down the stairs I hear her steps
My arms surround her anyway
Another sleepyhead wanders down, another gift from God
Another babe who wakes with the sense
That I am not near
That there's disturbance in our walls
Bundled and surrendered, we three lay quietly under the large blanket on the couch
Deep sigh, I feel a little hand in mine
And then another, even smaller hand wriggles in too
Oh Lord, thank You that right now I'm not alone
I allow my eyes to close in brief respite
Aware of pain still present from tears that burn
I lift my head, exhale an unexpected breath of peace
My worn out eyes adjust
A faint shift has begun in the contrast of shapes and shadows around us
You're here
Despite what obscures our view
If we throw open the curtains, even in the night
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
We will see your goodness
You faithful will remain
Be still my soul

My Heart

for my little pink Clover

She is seven
Little freckled nose, eyes that laugh
Behind the seriousness with which she surveys the world
Jack-o-latern grin,
Loud laugh and flinging arms and elbows
Into twirls and leaps
And one little heart pierced ear

She has patiently waited.
She's grown three times as old
With each addition to the family
She moved over, out of my arms
She moved over, out of my bed
Away from my feet
Out of my gaze
To make room

Tonight I gathered her into my arms
Dusted off my lap
Folded herself up to fit
She lay her head on me

I tucked a piece of wild, sweet curls
Behind an ear I hadn't seen in a while
This one is unpierced
Filled in smooth after the earring fell out

Heart pierced breathing
There she is
My first baby
I trace her ear, I look in her grey-blue eyes
Baby mine

I choked out, I miss you
She cried too
How have I forgotten to hold her?
Though I rage at time for carrying her away
She carries my pride, my joy,
My heart

If We Never Call On Grace

If we never call on grace

To pool in opened wounds

To run down open hands

To fill up wearied eyes

And patch up broken hearts

Grace for self

Grace for others

Grace for the way we see ourselves

And the way you see us

And the way we see you

If we never call on grace

We are a bleeding mess

You say disgusting

Yes, sometimes I am

I have never claimed to be more or less

Then a bloody mess

Did spewing shame satisfy? 

More words 

Will not stop the blood from draining from my face

Won't help the blood rushing to yours

Sometimes I don't know where to go from here

The impossible way forward

Grace for you

From me

From Him

To stop up your mouth and plug my ears 

While my eyes still see

And my hands still stretch

In grace 

And there's enough for us both

And I am trying

...'Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things'

Grace by U2

http://youtu.be/n4QvtXqNq0Y