Be Still

In the dark I sat unmoving
Blinded more from pain than lack of light
I cry out to You God
For reassurance, for guidance
As the realization of what place I'm in
Begins to dawn
I am lost, my navigation pointless
Hope in me, You say
I pause...I know I am desperate
I know there's no other way through or around
I say, ok.
Dread makes a lunge, I try to move out of the way
Stumbling to the window I pull back the curtain
Searching desperately and longing for the tiniest bit of You
Trees bend and sway with impending storm
Clouds dampen what might have been early morning light
What might have been hope in my heart
But I trust You God
Or rather, I'm trying despite-
Slumped, back in my chair
Praying in broken fragments for peace
The air disturbed by cries of a child wanting mama
I'm so weary Lord
I don't have it in me to comfort my girl
Down the stairs I hear her steps
My arms surround her anyway
Another sleepyhead wanders down, another gift from God
Another babe who wakes with the sense
That I am not near
That there's disturbance in our walls
Bundled and surrendered, we three lay quietly under the large blanket on the couch
Deep sigh, I feel a little hand in mine
And then another, even smaller hand wriggles in too
Oh Lord, thank You that right now I'm not alone
I allow my eyes to close in brief respite
Aware of pain still present from tears that burn
I lift my head, exhale an unexpected breath of peace
My worn out eyes adjust
A faint shift has begun in the contrast of shapes and shadows around us
You're here
Despite what obscures our view
If we throw open the curtains, even in the night
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
We will see your goodness
You faithful will remain
Be still my soul

Glass

its a schoolday, we have things to do
but play a little longer
i wasn't planning on breaking that glass
but it wasn't my fault ...or at least all my fault
glass perched precariously on a base too small
the others balanced
not knowing behind closed doors the emergency pending
not knowing a cupboard that had been opened hundreds of times before
would be the one time to let the glass fall
the glass broke
i took the brunt
i stayed barefoot in the kitchen sweeping up the remains
yelling at the children to stay back
to go get their shoes on
but i remain barefoot, i can't leave the pile i've patiently swept
can't risk my kids walking in the kitchen
risk them stepping on an un-found piece
even though i've warned them to stay away
thankful for the light
artificial and real
helping me catch the glint of lighted up glass
glass can go anywhere
humorous, almost, to see bits of it stuck in our bananas on the counter
it doesn't belong there
in the moment, you use what you can to contain an accident
i grab a business card among the ruins on the counter
and begin tapping and scraping the crystals into a line
not what i thought i'd be doing
i was just trying to put dishes away
i step on a small piece but it can't penetrate, my skin is tougher there, calloused
but minuscule splinters fell beneath my shirt
too close to places unshielded, most tender
pinpricks hurting and scratching with each movement though try as i might to shake myself free
my daughter wants to dance in the kitchen
in barefeet and ribbons she twirls in because to her blind eye the threat is gone, the accident contained
but i know better
it will take time before one can run freely through this room of the house again
when glass breaks, the scene changes
even after each piece is gone, ground down to fine powder
it will never really disappear
clinging to bristles on our broom
nestled in our grout and tile cracks
we will wear it on our feet, on my knees
as i kneel to sweep up what i can
as i cook and clean in the years to come
as my daughter dances in the kitchen
glass remains

Awaken

Shut

Tight
Eye lids crunch
Hurt arms clutch
Shame

Shapes

Move
Beneath the lids
Beyond in shadows
Dim

Bump

Crash

They hurt and yet
They stumble blinded
Too

Cry 

Out
Try to squint
Eyes yell quit
Death

Light 

Streams 
Redemptive work

This seeing hurts

Grace

Abrasive
Blinding

Glaring

Jarring

More
Pain 

Tempers raise 

While light reclaims

Dark

Re-
Focus. 

Colors
Flood
Sharpened pain
And joy; Sustained
Love

Brave
Lens
Meets the gaze
Of the todays
Hope

Light
Spills 
And light reflects

Light reflects
Life 

Awake