In the dark I sat unmoving
Blinded more from pain than lack of light
I cry out to You God
For reassurance, for guidance
As the realization of what place I'm in
Begins to dawn
I am lost, my navigation pointless
Hope in me, You say
I pause...I know I am desperate
I know there's no other way through or around
I say, ok.
Dread makes a lunge, I try to move out of the way
Stumbling to the window I pull back the curtain
Searching desperately and longing for the tiniest bit of You
Trees bend and sway with impending storm
Clouds dampen what might have been early morning light
What might have been hope in my heart
But I trust You God
Or rather, I'm trying despite-
Slumped, back in my chair
Praying in broken fragments for peace
The air disturbed by cries of a child wanting mama
I'm so weary Lord
I don't have it in me to comfort my girl
Down the stairs I hear her steps
My arms surround her anyway
Another sleepyhead wanders down, another gift from God
Another babe who wakes with the sense
That I am not near
That there's disturbance in our walls
Bundled and surrendered, we three lay quietly under the large blanket on the couch
Deep sigh, I feel a little hand in mine
And then another, even smaller hand wriggles in too
Oh Lord, thank You that right now I'm not alone
I allow my eyes to close in brief respite
Aware of pain still present from tears that burn
I lift my head, exhale an unexpected breath of peace
My worn out eyes adjust
A faint shift has begun in the contrast of shapes and shadows around us
You're here
Despite what obscures our view
If we throw open the curtains, even in the night
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
We will see your goodness
You faithful will remain
Be still my soul
Showing posts with label discipleship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipleship. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Monday, January 30, 2017
There Is A Fountain Filled With Blood - Thoughts On Suffering
There is a fountain filled with blood....
Suffering is as distasteful to me as this image from a well-known hymn. My sister once told me that all anxiety is rooted in the desire to escape what is uncomfortable. In essence, we cannot cope with the broken reality of ourselves, others, our environment. We seek to escape, desperately trying to regain some sort of false comfort, false security. And in our fruitless efforts, anxiety is born. I find this to be very true of myself.
William Cowper* is the author of the hymn above, and maybe not surprisingly, was a man well acquainted with sorrow, depression, and suicide attempts. A very tortured soul, desperately trying to find and hang on to God despite very tragic and unjust circumstances that plagued his life from the time he was born until the time of his death some seventy years later. His hymn is the only "modern-day" worship song I've come across that leaves the same distasteful feeling as the words of Jesus at the Last Supper when Jesus shockingly told His disciples to eat of His body and drink of His blood. But I think because of Cowper's demons, he understood what a gruesome and shocking reality Christ was calling His disciples to, and was unafraid to go there...hence his rather profound imagery.
It is with great DISCOMFORT that I am realizing that ultimately with Christ we are accepting and diving headlong into that blood-filled fountain, drawn from Emmanuel's veins. A fountain of suffering, overwhelming and deep pain. It makes me sick! My stomach turns at the thought! But every time I try to outrun the discomfort, it finds me. It mocks and then devours me. I will never outrun it and instead the anxiety that I hate grows even stronger.
And sinners plunge beneath that flood
To turn and face head on- no not just face but to EMBRACE suffering as Christ did.... Can I? I am struggling through a very unexpected fifth pregnancy, and for weeks now I've endured fatigue and morning sickness along with scattered thoughts and overwhelmed feelings. Can I stop running, turn and embrace this surprising turn of events? I am fortunate that a baby is the likely outcome of this current struggle..But what about the struggles that do not have such a joyous and likely outcome? An acquaintance of mine but dear mentor to my sister is in her eighties, recently widowed and now facing an horrific surgery to remove portions of her mouth and jaw because cancer is eroding and overtaking what once was healthy and good. Can she trust Him through that pain and fear and doubt and darkness? Can she plunge beneath the flood? Accept and embrace and count it all as joy? Is she expected to?
I spoke with a friend this last Sunday after a worship service that I help facilitate at one of our local retirement homes. My friend has a wheel chair bound son with many health issues who was given a very bleak prognosis at birth and yet is miraculously enjoying his third decade of life. I wondered aloud if she had always been this strong, this resilient, taking him to theme parks and vacations and connecting with many families in the community. She told me that she had struggled with debilitating anxiety, and that a few years ago my mom had told her she needed Jesus and His Word, to turn to Him first to get through the waves of depression and despair. She said that is when her life began to change and she began to live again, which in turn overflowed to her son, and began the amazing adventure they are now living filled with friends and experiences that many 30 year olds today do not have! It left me speechless as I really considered what this woman and her son daily choose to do- the bravery displayed in turning from trying to avoid the pain and reality, (which was more than understandable!) and embracing what was, and then unexpectedly finding joy and hope and life and peace despite their circumstances.
Lose all their guilty stains
Lose all their guilty stains
And sinners plunge beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains
What a picture, a fountain of blood wherein the one who submerges herself in a life drained of it's life-blood, arises, no, RESURRECTS cleaner, whiter, freer than before! It is counter intuitive and horrifying and yet it is what this life in Christ's footsteps beckon us to. There is life unseen beyond death and we are forced to embrace and foreshadow this reality now in this death-trapped world as we call hope and attention to that glorious day when all will be made right but also as proof that His Kingdom has in fact now come, that there is life to be had after death HERE.
So many places in my life I run from suffering, big and small. Can I stop and turn, embrace the cross before me? Christ-like in my trust that suffering will yield obedience and obedience will yield freedom from well-worn worry and result in life? At the very least it will yield greater capacity to handle the trivial annoyances and interruptions of my day to day that unhinge and frustrate me. A change of perspective, a change of direction. A full submersion and acceptance in the fountain of Christ before me.
Suffering is as distasteful to me as this image from a well-known hymn. My sister once told me that all anxiety is rooted in the desire to escape what is uncomfortable. In essence, we cannot cope with the broken reality of ourselves, others, our environment. We seek to escape, desperately trying to regain some sort of false comfort, false security. And in our fruitless efforts, anxiety is born. I find this to be very true of myself.
William Cowper* is the author of the hymn above, and maybe not surprisingly, was a man well acquainted with sorrow, depression, and suicide attempts. A very tortured soul, desperately trying to find and hang on to God despite very tragic and unjust circumstances that plagued his life from the time he was born until the time of his death some seventy years later. His hymn is the only "modern-day" worship song I've come across that leaves the same distasteful feeling as the words of Jesus at the Last Supper when Jesus shockingly told His disciples to eat of His body and drink of His blood. But I think because of Cowper's demons, he understood what a gruesome and shocking reality Christ was calling His disciples to, and was unafraid to go there...hence his rather profound imagery.
It is with great DISCOMFORT that I am realizing that ultimately with Christ we are accepting and diving headlong into that blood-filled fountain, drawn from Emmanuel's veins. A fountain of suffering, overwhelming and deep pain. It makes me sick! My stomach turns at the thought! But every time I try to outrun the discomfort, it finds me. It mocks and then devours me. I will never outrun it and instead the anxiety that I hate grows even stronger.
And sinners plunge beneath that flood
To turn and face head on- no not just face but to EMBRACE suffering as Christ did.... Can I? I am struggling through a very unexpected fifth pregnancy, and for weeks now I've endured fatigue and morning sickness along with scattered thoughts and overwhelmed feelings. Can I stop running, turn and embrace this surprising turn of events? I am fortunate that a baby is the likely outcome of this current struggle..But what about the struggles that do not have such a joyous and likely outcome? An acquaintance of mine but dear mentor to my sister is in her eighties, recently widowed and now facing an horrific surgery to remove portions of her mouth and jaw because cancer is eroding and overtaking what once was healthy and good. Can she trust Him through that pain and fear and doubt and darkness? Can she plunge beneath the flood? Accept and embrace and count it all as joy? Is she expected to?
I spoke with a friend this last Sunday after a worship service that I help facilitate at one of our local retirement homes. My friend has a wheel chair bound son with many health issues who was given a very bleak prognosis at birth and yet is miraculously enjoying his third decade of life. I wondered aloud if she had always been this strong, this resilient, taking him to theme parks and vacations and connecting with many families in the community. She told me that she had struggled with debilitating anxiety, and that a few years ago my mom had told her she needed Jesus and His Word, to turn to Him first to get through the waves of depression and despair. She said that is when her life began to change and she began to live again, which in turn overflowed to her son, and began the amazing adventure they are now living filled with friends and experiences that many 30 year olds today do not have! It left me speechless as I really considered what this woman and her son daily choose to do- the bravery displayed in turning from trying to avoid the pain and reality, (which was more than understandable!) and embracing what was, and then unexpectedly finding joy and hope and life and peace despite their circumstances.
Lose all their guilty stains
Lose all their guilty stains
And sinners plunge beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains
What a picture, a fountain of blood wherein the one who submerges herself in a life drained of it's life-blood, arises, no, RESURRECTS cleaner, whiter, freer than before! It is counter intuitive and horrifying and yet it is what this life in Christ's footsteps beckon us to. There is life unseen beyond death and we are forced to embrace and foreshadow this reality now in this death-trapped world as we call hope and attention to that glorious day when all will be made right but also as proof that His Kingdom has in fact now come, that there is life to be had after death HERE.
So many places in my life I run from suffering, big and small. Can I stop and turn, embrace the cross before me? Christ-like in my trust that suffering will yield obedience and obedience will yield freedom from well-worn worry and result in life? At the very least it will yield greater capacity to handle the trivial annoyances and interruptions of my day to day that unhinge and frustrate me. A change of perspective, a change of direction. A full submersion and acceptance in the fountain of Christ before me.
- God Moves In A Mysterious Wayby William CowperGod moves in a mysterious wayHis wonders to perform;He plants His footsteps in the seaAnd rides upon the storm.
- Deep in unfathomable minesOf never failing skillHe treasures up His bright designsAnd works His sov’reign will.
- Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;The clouds ye so much dreadAre big with mercy and shall breakIn blessings on your head.
- Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,But trust Him for His grace;Behind a frowning providenceHe hides a smiling face.
- His purposes will ripen fast,Unfolding every hour;The bud may have a bitter taste,But sweet will be the flow’r.
- Blind unbelief is sure to errAnd scan His work in vain;God is His own interpreter,And He will make it plain.*For an excellent read on more of William Cowper's life, check out this article by John Piper Insanity and Spiritual Songs in the Soul of a Saint
My Mother's Habits {Facebook Deactivation - Day 30}
There are effortless routines and patterns
From my mother
Embedded deep into my memory
Flashes which produce a mixture
Of longing, warmth, ...and guilt
That I remember well
And struggle desperately to imitate
How strange to acknowledge the damage
Of a distraction I entertained
Who along with my natural weakness, stole my ability
To emulate that which was sown deep
And once yielded much contentment
Did we ever think we'd battle distraction
To this magnitude?
There was once caution against the amount
Of advertisements children saw in commercials
Billboards and radio announcements
But those voices pale in comparison
To what we and our children are encouraged to digest and balance now
I'm grappling all the time
With time
This fleeting yet stretching and pliable thing
Given to me to use at my will
In the face of new technologies,
Sometimes the responsibility feels impossible!
A healthy balance always just beyond my reach
For now, I've had to disconnect
But with more disconnection
Comes re-connection to my roots
I'm clawing my way back to mom's habits
That I lived and enjoyed so long ago
To engage with life
Without interruption
The recreation, the resting
The working and creating
The in-between times
The clear space in my head
Long cluttered with matters and events
I could do nothing about
Replaced with space and stillness
Without compulsory interruption
A space to breathe, to be at peace
Sitting with my God, my husband, my children, my friends
My self
Something my mama
Did so well
From my mother
Embedded deep into my memory
Flashes which produce a mixture
Of longing, warmth, ...and guilt
That I remember well
And struggle desperately to imitate
How strange to acknowledge the damage
Of a distraction I entertained
Who along with my natural weakness, stole my ability
To emulate that which was sown deep
And once yielded much contentment
Did we ever think we'd battle distraction
To this magnitude?
There was once caution against the amount
Of advertisements children saw in commercials
Billboards and radio announcements
But those voices pale in comparison
To what we and our children are encouraged to digest and balance now
I'm grappling all the time
With time
This fleeting yet stretching and pliable thing
Given to me to use at my will
In the face of new technologies,
Sometimes the responsibility feels impossible!
A healthy balance always just beyond my reach
For now, I've had to disconnect
But with more disconnection
Comes re-connection to my roots
I'm clawing my way back to mom's habits
That I lived and enjoyed so long ago
To engage with life
Without interruption
The recreation, the resting
The working and creating
The in-between times
The clear space in my head
Long cluttered with matters and events
I could do nothing about
Replaced with space and stillness
Without compulsory interruption
A space to breathe, to be at peace
Sitting with my God, my husband, my children, my friends
My self
Something my mama
Did so well
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Facebook deactivation: day 5
To me he said mama
Tap tap tap
Mama
In distraction I shooed
Another tap, oh, yes?
Mama, come play
Feigned busyness responds
Oh soon, not just yet
Run along
I'll be along soon
To me he said mama
As I sit stoically staring
I turned to look him
Quietly in the eyes
Yes?
Mama, come play
Deep into browns I pondered
My answer
No I said softly
He turned away
Would this gut wrenching scene
Be false
But is played out time and again
Only worse
Against my God
Who asks of me
To sit with Him
And in response
Without distraction
I decline
Today I feel like I'm becoming more aware of my spiritual surroundings.
I also am learning this lesson:
The Lord desires obedience, not sacrifice.
I can sacrifice fb but it still doesn't get to the heart. It's one less huge distraction but it's absence doesn't help me anymore to sit in the presence of God and commune with Him. The only thing that does that is obedience. It's strange to realize that the heart of the matter is still my heart. Even in the quiet I have to willfully and obediently invite God in.
Tap tap tap
Mama
In distraction I shooed
Another tap, oh, yes?
Mama, come play
Feigned busyness responds
Oh soon, not just yet
Run along
I'll be along soon
To me he said mama
As I sit stoically staring
I turned to look him
Quietly in the eyes
Yes?
Mama, come play
Deep into browns I pondered
My answer
No I said softly
He turned away
Would this gut wrenching scene
Be false
But is played out time and again
Only worse
Against my God
Who asks of me
To sit with Him
And in response
Without distraction
I decline
Today I feel like I'm becoming more aware of my spiritual surroundings.
I also am learning this lesson:
The Lord desires obedience, not sacrifice.
I can sacrifice fb but it still doesn't get to the heart. It's one less huge distraction but it's absence doesn't help me anymore to sit in the presence of God and commune with Him. The only thing that does that is obedience. It's strange to realize that the heart of the matter is still my heart. Even in the quiet I have to willfully and obediently invite God in.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
three miles per hour
the very old and the very young
are strategically placed
impediments to speed
the wise relinquish accelerating
taking their cues
to savor the view
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Christ In Me
in my huddle (a group of people committed to learning to live as Jesus lived) thinking about invitation and challenge, areas you are balanced or need to balance out. the question was posed, how is your family perceived.
one lady mentioned that she noticed she wasn't a homeschooling mom and therefore felt a sense of challenge, maybe internally
is that the kind of challenge i'm putting forth?
oh you don't eat healthy? oh you don't homeschool? oh you don't go to Kairos? challenge challenge challenge
let him who boasts boast about this, that he knows and understands Me
Christ in me Christ in me Christ in me the hope of glory You are everything
challenge does not mean, look at me and see where you fall short. invitation does not mean, come to me because i have all your answers and can help you or fix you or i'm perfect and learn from me.
let me be challenging because of Christ in me
that what you are challenged on in your own life has nothing to do with my perceived good works or good choices or healthy habits, but Jesus in me calling out to You. your life being challenged by the existence of a very real God who i have a personal relationship with that is calling out to have a relationship with You. to come into right standing with Him
to measure your life by Him
if you get too close to me i will let you down
just know that
i am sorry if i have ever put needless guilt on you or anyone else
why do i homeschool? because i think that is the only Bible ordained way to raise my children? no, i homeschool because we live a very full life and i value down time with my children and noah. we take mondays off. couldn't do that if the girls were in school. i love to teach the girls. it works for our schedule this year.
why do we eat healthy? ember. we do feel better.
why did we plant Kairos and why are we doing things this way? huddles mcs etc? because we are trying our best and feel God's called us to it. it's not the only right way. it's not the only right church.
there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
one lady mentioned that she noticed she wasn't a homeschooling mom and therefore felt a sense of challenge, maybe internally
is that the kind of challenge i'm putting forth?
oh you don't eat healthy? oh you don't homeschool? oh you don't go to Kairos? challenge challenge challenge
let him who boasts boast about this, that he knows and understands Me
Christ in me Christ in me Christ in me the hope of glory You are everything
challenge does not mean, look at me and see where you fall short. invitation does not mean, come to me because i have all your answers and can help you or fix you or i'm perfect and learn from me.
let me be challenging because of Christ in me
that what you are challenged on in your own life has nothing to do with my perceived good works or good choices or healthy habits, but Jesus in me calling out to You. your life being challenged by the existence of a very real God who i have a personal relationship with that is calling out to have a relationship with You. to come into right standing with Him
to measure your life by Him
if you get too close to me i will let you down
just know that
i am sorry if i have ever put needless guilt on you or anyone else
why do i homeschool? because i think that is the only Bible ordained way to raise my children? no, i homeschool because we live a very full life and i value down time with my children and noah. we take mondays off. couldn't do that if the girls were in school. i love to teach the girls. it works for our schedule this year.
why do we eat healthy? ember. we do feel better.
why did we plant Kairos and why are we doing things this way? huddles mcs etc? because we are trying our best and feel God's called us to it. it's not the only right way. it's not the only right church.
there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Monday, December 1, 2014
The Advent Season Is Upon Us....
(a note I wrote to Kairos)
In reflecting tonight on our Worship Gathering, I had an assortment of seemingly jumbled, unconnected thoughts...the importance of meditating on and adhering to God's law...how good it is to participate in regular intervals of congregational (church family) worship....my kids' excitement at the homes with Christmas lights already up...Somehow I landed at how important it is for us, for Christ-followers, to take pause of the Christmas season before we find ourselves dazed on the doorstep of December 25th wondering where the time went!
In reflecting tonight on our Worship Gathering, I had an assortment of seemingly jumbled, unconnected thoughts...the importance of meditating on and adhering to God's law...how good it is to participate in regular intervals of congregational (church family) worship....my kids' excitement at the homes with Christmas lights already up...Somehow I landed at how important it is for us, for Christ-followers, to take pause of the Christmas season before we find ourselves dazed on the doorstep of December 25th wondering where the time went!
What more can we expect from ourselves when the season is already wrought with extra familial engagements and gifts to be purchased and given? Oh of course we can add waxy advent chocolate calendars, coat drives, carols, Christmas plays, gifts for orphans, secret Santas, sugar cookies and decorations galore. All good things. But these elements in and of themselves are incomplete. They should be a byproduct, not a substitution for, the meaningful pause of the Advent season as we joyously look forward to the celebration of Christ's birth!
But, you may wonder, why should we pause? Why add another cookie to Santa's plate?
We pause because we are a fickle people. We pause because we forget. We no longer engage in annual, week long festivals throughout the year as the ancient Israelites did, to celebrate and commemorate what the Lord has done and to anticipate what He will do. We no longer have to engage in the physical act of sacrifices and offerings as the priests did who went before us, visceral reminders of the sin separating us from God and the atonement made because of the poured out life of the slaughtered lamb. We do not pause, we do not see, we do not touch, we do not speak. We are a roaming, often unrooted and harried culture. We think that the here and now is all there is, that the family traditions and gift giving will make or break the season.
...Yet we are called to partake in something more.
We are a people set apart, holy, and to be firmly rooted in what Christ has done for us and the joyous occasion His entrance into that manger scene set into motion. We are commanded to open our mouths and tell of the great things He has done for us, loud and strong echoes of the words of our ancient brothers and sisters. We are still called to celebrate and commemorate, when we assemble together in Worship Gatherings, at Missional Communities and in the privacy of our homes, parents- first and foremost with our children!
So, how? What does it look like to take a meaningful pause?
We can begin with asking questions like: What did Christ's birth mean for the Israelites when the first angels appeared heralding the new born baby from the sky? What did it mean for all of humanity? For me individually? What does Jesus' birth mean for the way we live now and the glorious hope of the Kingdom to come? Too often we can leave the grand telling of the story of God's engagement with our world and His engagement with us up to Sunday school teachers or the Charlie Brown Christmas special.
Pause. Take time to think. It might be uncomfortable, it might take work. But if you are looking to find space between minutes, to stretch this season so that you are fully in it and it's not just slipping through your fingers, take the time to wrestle this Christmas meaning out. Pause and invite your loved ones into unharried conversation, into searching the Scriptures or seeking God together with prayer and singing. Time slows when we are fully present with one another; time stands still when we are in the presence of God.
Our children need to hear the Christmas story from us. Our children need to know that it is their story, that it's a story still relevant today, just as life giving and hope inspiring now as it was when it occurred those thousands of years ago. And it is often in the telling that we are reminded that it is still our story too.
....
For me, intentionally studying and participating in the Advent season each December becomes more meaningful with each passing year. I am looking forward to beginning again with my daughters tomorrow and with all of you as we worship together in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
....
For me, intentionally studying and participating in the Advent season each December becomes more meaningful with each passing year. I am looking forward to beginning again with my daughters tomorrow and with all of you as we worship together in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
Here are two resources that I'm using now with my kids (the link below as well as Truth in the Tinsel). They might be a good fit for your family too if you have little ones, but if not I encourage you to seek something out that will help keep your mind and heart fixed on our Savior!
"then came Jesus" release from Lara Williams on Vimeo.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Kairos Beginnings
Here’s our story in Noah’s own words …
I grew up in the Antelope Valley. The Antelope Valley is a weird place and hard to understand if you are not from here. We are number 2 in meth production and number 1 in child abuse in the nation. It is a suburb of LA that popped up in a rather ugly area because of the post-war military-industrial complex of the aerospace industry. So we have a good number of engineers and rocket scientists as well as an agricultural population that has been around for a long time. However, beginning in the 60′s we saw a great growth of commuters, moving up here to get more affordable housing while driving an hour or more to work in LA. This hunger for more in terms of materialism is a good reflection of the values of the AV. Most people here would rather have a new car or jet-ski’s than live and work close to their neighbors or have more time with their children.
Another proclivity about the AV is the growth of gang and urban poverty that we have experienced over the last 20 years. Families from Pacoima and Compton have relocated in mass adding to the social dynamic of a decentralized, scattered place. During the 80s and 90s Palmdale (one of the main cities) was the second fastest growing area in the nation…behind only Las Vegas. This is the placed that shaped me. I grew up in a fairly poor family here. I dropped out of school in the 7th grade and shortly after came to know Christ at a church around the corner from the trailer park I lived in. I had a pretty radical conversion as I encountered a community of friends and leaders that were sharing life together, experiencing the power of the holy spirit and going on mission with each other. I was sold!
Flash forward to adulthood I began to discern “the call” to serve God by entering into “the ministry”. In order to do this I knew returning to school was probably a necessary step. Entering Jr. College with a 7th grade education was challenging to say the least. But at 19 I knew this was a definite step the Lord was directing me to take. I began volunteering heavily at the mega church where I came to faith. Upon completing a bachelor’s degree in history I started working at the church part time as a youth/worship leader and entered Fuller Seminary to earn a MDiv.
I began seminary in 2005 and the next summer I got married to Jamie, a beautiful, wonderful woman I had been dating for 4 years. After getting married I went through a succession of promotions at my home church while attending seminary – full time – college pastor – jr. high pastor. Then after graduating in 2008 from Fuller I became the Student ministries pastor. I was leading a ministry of about 500 students with a staff of 3 employees and an army of volunteers. I was full on in the swing of attractional, programatic church. I was successfully leading a “successful” youth group…that oddly no longer looked like the youth ministry that I had joined as a teenager and had lost the potency of mission and purpose that hooked me in the first place.
Through several years of painful, honest conversations with the sr. leadership I had concluded I would rather work as a barista at the local coffee shop and serve Jesus with community of friends than be in full time ministry…if full time ministry simply meant fueling a machine that wasn’t producing much lasting fruit. God had some interesting plans however…
As I was writing out my letter of resignation I received a call from a small, dying Presbyterian church…they were looking for a youth/associate/turn-around pastor. They hired me and my wife to come to the church with the goal of reaching their changing neighborhood and connecting with younger generations. Well, after an amazing 2 month honeymoon period in which I saw conversions, works of the holy spirit and the bubblings of community in this fledgling church – the senior leadership of the church resigned and the congregation went into a tailspin.
At the same time, God had opened another amazing door for me to come on staff at our local college as an adjunct professor of American history. We left the Presbyterian church as gracefully as possible and gathered a small group of our good friends together. I remember telling them: “I love Jesus, I need community, but if we cannot start a church that is free of the shackles of what I have experienced – I don’t think I am going to go any more.” It may not have been the best way to start a new church…but a church planter once told me…”if you don’t have to start a new church…don’t!”
Kairos Community was birthed out of a lot of prayer, pain and desire to meet God in the context of community. We met as a core team for several months on Friday nights developing a common vision, language and mission. We visited churches of all denominations and creeds together on Sundays and finally began worshipping in a living room at the end of 2011. We quickly out grew the living room and moved to a coffee shop and then a small church building that wasn’t being used on Sundays. It was at this time that I connected with Ecclesia as well. I began meeting with Greg Larson and the equippers down at Kairos-Hollywood.
With a firm commitment to discipleship and mission as the core of what we are doing, we were very slow to invite others in prematurely or to grow beyond our capacity. The past summer we got the opportunity to meet on the third floor of a downtown Urban Outfitters-ish type store…since then we have had a strong commitment and presence in our city…prayer walking, serving the needy, creating community where ever we can and with consistency.
This fall, at our one year mark, we launched our pilot Missional Community. We had waited to launch this expression of our church until our leadership was developed and discipleship was at the core of our identity…our DNA. We have seen wonderful fruit in the last year as God has preformed miraculous healings, changed lives from darkness to light and spread hope where there was none. We have seen single mothers, homosexuals, drug addicts, empty materialists, fundamentalists and entire families come to faith…I can’t wait to see what God has in store for the next year!
Somewhere in between getting married and church planting, Jaimie and I have been blessed with three beautiful girls: Clover (4), Paisley (2) and Ember (4 months). During the last year, Jaimie…in addition to teaching piano and leading worship at Kairos has begun working as a Compassion Entrepreneur for a new non-profit called Trades of Hope…a company aimed at women helping women all over the world start and maintain sustainable business.
We are excited to be part of the Ecclesia family and thanks to all for welcoming us in.
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| Photo Credit: Elaine Dieball Photography |
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